A Pilot's Perspective
by PirateRosi
Summary: Joker still struggles to come to terms with the destruction of the original Normandy. After inadvertantly saving a woman's life, Joker and the rest of the crew are left with the repercussions. Cerberus' motives are once again questioned. Begins after ME2.
1. Prologue

Joker was back on the original Normandy. He was back at the helm, the controls thrumming warmly under his hands. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation, taking in the familiar sounds of the ship around him. Even though the Normandy's movement's had always been velvety soft, almost noiseless, the low hum seemed like a roar compared to it's sleeker predecessor. Joker did not mind. It was almost soothing. Despite what he had told the Commander, that it was all nostalgia, he missed it more than anything. He opened his eyes, and everything was as it had been. His view seemed distorted, as though there were a tint to it, a sheen, as though it were too perfect, too infallible to be changed. As though it should be preserved forever, that one perfect moment, that one perfect aspect of his life, of their lives, before everything had changed. Before it became burnt and decayed, a painful, bittersweet memory that was easier to be forgotten. No, that wasn't how he wanted to remember it. The Normandy had been the first place that had felt like home in a long time. One place where he felt valued, like what he did meant something. Now, with Cerberus, it was as though it no longer existed, had never existed. As though it were a husk of what was meant to be, what had been.

He could hear Navigator Pressly's voice, far off but so distinct he could have been speaking in his ear. Joker turned in his chair, getting to his feet with ease, walking was not a problem in dreams. He moved forwards, stepping between people as though they were ghosts. Commander Shepard stood regarding the galaxy map, conferring with Kaidan and gesturing at different parts of the map. Her old scars were still there, but her face looked fuller somehow, more healthy. Kaidan passed her a datapad, and Shepard regarded it intensely, running a hand through her short black hair. Kaidan watched her closely, before Shepard nodded and smiled at him. Then, the scene seemed to change, like water running down an oil painting. Bodies were his only company now, replacing what had been living, breathing human beings only seconds before. There was a roaring sound as the ceiling appeared ripped in two, a jet of yellow light piercing his retinas. Joker squinted upwards, shielding his face, and saw the entirety of space stretched out above him, a magnificent backdrop unfitting such events. He passed through the deck unharmed as shrapnel and bodies drifted past him. A lump had risen in his throat and numbness clinging to his limbs, his very bones felt icy cold.

There was another blast of light, as the Normandy was pounded relentlessly once more with gunfire. Joker fell forwards, onto his hands, and stared with horror at the body before him. It was Pressley, his eyes a dead stare. The knot of guilt within him burned, and Joker forced back hot tears. He reached out, to close those eyelids, to stop that relentless thousand-mile stare, to give the man some peace. Pressly's very skin looked as thin as paper and to Joker's horror, it almost seemed to flake away before his very eyes. It left a void where the body had been. Joker fell back, a scream caught in his throat. As he turned to run, to flee, he found his surroundings changed. Joker was in the mess, and he was alone, save for one person. He moved towards her quickly, as though afraid she would disappear.  
"Ash?" he reached out, and touched her shoulder.  
Ashley turned, looking straight at him. She looked the same, exactly as before, down to the last detail. She looked at him, something like wistfulness in her eyes. However, she smiled, and shrugged, "I guess that's just the way it goes. You know that, Joker. You live a soldier, you die a soldier. Still..."  
He blinked, and it was as if she just wasn't there anymore. As though she had disappeared into the very walls.  
"Ash!"  
Joker felt his legs buckle, pain near paralysing his lower body. He clung to the floor, afraid of what might happen if he let go.

"You can save them, Joker" said a hushed voice.  
Joker kept his head bowed.  
"You can save them. There is still time."  
It was the same voice, the same one that haunted his every dream. One he had never heard with waking consciousness.  
"Joker!"  
The Normandy gave a great lurch, and the metal groaned as though the very ship itself knew it were dying, as though it were sighing it's final breath. The very walls around him seemed to disintegrate as crackling fires raged. He pressed a hand against the closest wall, as though his will alone would keep the ship intact.  
"Don't leave me", he breathed, his head hung low, crippled by pain and regret. And there he was left, as a lone man clinging to a dying star.

Joker sat up straight in bunk, his entire body shaking  
"Joker? Are you alright?" a sleepy voice enquired from somewhere to his right. He could not see them through the gloom.  
"I'm fine Goldstein. Sorry if I woke you" Joker replied, somewhat begrudgingly, finally identifying the voice.  
"That's alright, you didn't. Bad dreams you know..." crewman Goldstein muttered, from his bunk. Joker heard shifting, and the creaking of a mattress as the other man turned over.  
Joker did not understand it, he had thought the dreams were over. Since the Normandy SR-2 the nightmares had stopped, the replacement had in some way alleviated his grief. But it seemed they were back, and they were worse. Joker sighed and laid back, crossing his arms behind his head. He would not sleep tonight. He groaned and sat up decisively, before leaning over and fumbling in the dark. At last he found his shirt and pulling it over his head, clambered out of bed. As he left the crew quarters fully dressed, stretching and yawning a few minutes later, he thought that perhaps there was one small consolation. Everyone on the ship suffered bad dreams.


	2. Pretty Girls Make Graves

Re-uploaded this because I wasn't happy with how it was before. Hopefully this is an improvement! :)

*

Joker just didn't understand it. After months of interrupted sleep, he was back to this; being awoken every night by all too vivid nightmares. He sat forward in his chair broodingly, stroking his stubble absent-mindedly. He would have thought it was something to do with the Normandy SR-2, but the dreams had stopped ever since he had come aboard. Or was it to do with the Commander? Renewed guilt? But she was alive and he had no reason to blame himself anymore for her, albeit temporary, death.

"You seem distracted, Jeff"

It was also true that they had beaten the Collectors, so it was not as if it was anything to do with the threat of them somehow returning to tear apart the Normandy anew. I just didn't make sense.

Joker shook his head, "I'm fine, EDI"

He turned his attention back to the controls in front of him, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling that had settled in his stomach.

"Making the jump to FTL in five" Joker announced over the comm to the rest of the crew.

"Jeff, I assume you don't intend to ignore the breaches to the hull forever."

Joker groaned.

"EDI will you relax? The kinetic shields the Commander got installed will hold until we get back" Joker answered, impatiently. "Any repairs can be made once we're on the Citadel."

"I would put a bit of a dampener on our heroic return though, if the Normandy broke down half way."

"She's not going to break down, EDI."

"And what if we're attacked, Mr Moreau?"

"By who? We totally fried the Collector's back there. No one's going to be coming after us" Joker answered stubbornly, leaning back in his chair.

"I may be wrong, but didn't a completely unknown and unforeseeable enemy manage to destroy the original Normandy?" EDI's feminine voice replied, with something Joker was sure was sarcasm.

"You're not going to let this go are you?"

There was a silence which suggested the affirmative.

"Ach." He pressed a button on the panel before him, "Uh… Commander?"

There was a pause before a voice replied in his earpiece, "What is it Joker?"

"I don't know if you've noticed but we've been having a few technical problems with the Normandy. It's nothing major but I think we should land and have the engineers go out and take a look at the hull, just to be sure." Joker replied,

"That shouldn't be a problem, we'll have to make a detour to the nearest civilized planet."

Which a few motions to the panel in front of him, he brought up a map of the galaxy.

"We're pretty near the Omega Nebula" he answered.

"I said civilized, Joker," Shepard replied, her voice unreadable. "But if it's the nearest thing, I don't see why not."

"Alright, changing coordinates Commander. Setting a course for Omega."

"Oh, and Joker. Tell EDI I said thanks for the head's up."

Joker shook his head, "How does she do that?"

"She knows you too well, Jeff"

Joker scowled. He thought that if the AI had a face, it would be covered with an I-Told-You-So smirk.

*

"How long do they need?" Shepard asked, "We need to report to the Council as soon as possible."

Most of the crew were assembled outside of the Normandy, a rare occurrence. The engineers were setting about work on the exterior of ship's hull, whilst Shepard's squad, plus Kelly Chambers and Joker, were all gathered around at intervals. Joker was sat on a low wall that extended around the perimeter of the dock. He rested his head on one hand. After a brief moment he realized the question had been directed at him, he shrugged it off.

"I don't know Commander, out here I know as much as you. I still don't understand why we all had to leave the ship" Joker replied with a hint of irritation.

She took a step towards him, away from the others, who carried on with their own conversations. Shepard ran a hand through her short black hair, she almost looked stressed.

"Because I'd prefer it if my entire team wasn't in there while significant repairs are being made, in case of an accident. And, because the main power is offline while the repairs are finished. Now if you want. You can go back inside, but I think you'd be pretty bored" Shepard said, an eyebrow raised as if daring him to contradict her.

Joker couldn't help it, he had to take the bait, "I'm sure I could find something to do, Commander."

Her eyebrow arched even higher, "Oh I'm sure you could."

Joker looked at her exasperatedly, "C'mon, Commander, that was just the one time…"

"Of course."

"It was supposed to go through to my earpiece"

"I know"

"I don't make a habit of watching uh… Not when we're on a mission" he muttered, flushing.

"Right" she replied, with an amused smirk.

"Alright Commander, have it your way. I'll just sit here until the repairs are complete" he replied, moodily.  
"You sure you don't want to come to Afterlife with us?" she asked him, with a ghost of a smile as she gestured towards the others. It seemed as though half the crew were going.  
"Yeah, get the designated driver drunk, thatsounds like a _great_ idea" Joker replied.  
Shepard shrugged, "We have a lot to celebrate, Joker. The back of Cerberus, kicking Collector ass…"  
"Yeah, I hear you Commander. Still, I feel better staying with the Normandy if it's all the same to you" he answered stubbornly. "I don't really want to know what drink does to Thane's flashbacks. That stuff's creepy enough as it is."  
Shepard laughed, "I hadn't thought about that. Personally, I'm just hoping I won't get poisoned again."  
"Yeah, all the same, I think I'll just wait for you here."  
"Alright then. See you in a few hours. Try not to get into trouble."

Shepard turned her back, and she and the others headed off through the corridor and into the centre of the vast station. Joker rolled his eyes, before slumping further down the wall. It wasn't that he didn't want to go, not really. It was just he had gotten used to avoiding crowds with his condition. He felt more comfortable at the helm of the Normandy than in a bar full of people. He sighed; it was going to be a long afternoon.

*

A loud noise stirred Joker from his thoughts. A krogan loading crates at a nearby dock had dropped one, and it had broken catastrophically allowed three pyjak to escape. They were currently climbing all over the rather dilapidated looking ship that they had been intended to be loaded on to, and were emitting increasingly high-pitched noises as the krogan attempted to lure, force and eventually shout them down. This had all happened in the space of five minutes, and when an irate Turian appeared from within the ship, it only aggravated the situation. He immediately struck up a fierce argument with the Krogan, whilst the pyjak pulled off loose pieces of sheet metal from the ship, and began throwing them at the pair. The krogan attempted to shoot down the pyjak, after which the turian pulled the gun from his grasp and slapped him around his head with it. It amused Joker to watch them bellow insults at each other for a while, particularly as each become more and more angry as debris bounced off their heads, eventually sending them running for cover. However, as time passed Joker's back ached more and more where it had been pressed against the wall, and one of his legs twinged painfully. It wouldn't do him any harm, he supposed, to have a wander around. Although he wasn't exactly steady on his feet, he figured it was better than sitting around, and if anyone stared, damn them. He would go for a walk, a short one. He could manage that.

He stood up slowly and walked towards the exit of the hanger. No one attempted to stop him, all too intent in their duties to pay any attention. It was an odd sensation, being alone on such a vast space station. Thanks to Cerberus he was able to walk without need of crutches or leg braces, it was a struggle, but it was manageable. He usually only walked somewhere if he had too, but today, well he was just too damned bored to do anything else.

Once he was out of the docking bay he happened towards the markets, Afterlife didn't appeal to him all too much, even from the outside it looked loud and obnoxious.

Even as he arrived in the markets he regretted his decision, it was drab and the poverty of the area was all too obvious. He also found that it was incredibly easy to get lost. Between a turian offering to sell him a morsel of strange looking meat, and trying to evade a very anti-human batarian who proceeded to scream at him, Joker managed to find himself down a very unfamiliar and uninviting back alley. Though it was dark, he could see the other end lead out towards some apartments. These were, if possible, even more unfamiliar than his current surroundings. Deciding to backtrack and retrace his steps, he turned, when from somewhere behind him there was a scuffling sound.

Joker looked back behind him, his hand falling to the pistol at his waist. Military standard issue; every soldier was required to carry a firearm with them at all times on active duty. This meant every time he left the Normandy he got his hands on a firearm. Mentally, Joker thanked whoever penned this particular piece of litigation.

"_Joker"  
_ It was that voice. Again. He shook his head, refusing to let his dreams encroach upon his waking moments. But the voice was so real, it was if he had walked into one of his own nightmares.  
_"You can save them"_  
"I don't care" he muttered, advancing a little further down the passageway.  
There was an intersection a few metres before him, where the passage carried on before him, and another joined to it to his right.

"Hello?"

There was no reply, and his words were met with a deathly quiet. He took another step forward, unsurely, glancing all around himself. There was a far off shot, and Joker gripped the pistol tighter, glancing around nervously. Footsteps were fast approaching.

Suddenly, there was a burst of movement from the passage on the right. A young woman was running towards him at speed. Joker took a step back instinctively, wincing as he leaned too heavily on his left leg causing an incredibly painful burning sensation. A man rounded the corner, close behind the woman, his expression fierce. A crazed-looking vorcha was sprinting at his side, both their eyes were bright with the thrill of the chase. They were going to catch her, it was inevitable. They were moving far too quickly, and as the girl grew nearer he could hear her terrified, ragged breathing; she was wounded. From the look on her face he guessed she had come the same conclusion as he had, they would outrun her easily. But she was also unarmed. In one swift movement she turned to face them. The air around her seemed to ripple with a purple hue, as she unleashed a full biotic throw at the man. He flew backwards into the air, hitting the wall with a sickening crunch. There was a finality about it that was unmistakable; he was dead before he hit the floor.

The vorcha paused for a second, clearly confused by the proceedings, unsure what to do now its associate had fallen. The woman slumped backwards, using her biotics had obviously been a last resort and had used the last of her energy. She staggered back a few feet, and a few seconds too late, Joker realised she was going to run into him. As she turned, to make one last desperate attempt as escape, he caught her. Steadying her with his free hand, he gazed at her, momentarily stunned by her sudden, alert attention. Her blonde hair was dishevelled, and blood stained the outfit that clung tightly to her body, some of it hers. Joker couldn't help but think that she might have been suited to somewhere more like Chora's Den, her clothes were so revealing. Not that he was complaining. But it was the green eyes that held him in place, frightened yet alert as she stared at him through dark eyelashes. He couldn't help but feel she was looking at his face as though searching for something, perhaps some sense of decency. Her expression was as transparent as glass, her emotions etched in their entirety across her beautiful face. She wanted to be sure if he would help her. To be sure he was not just another enemy to be disposed of. He got the feeling that if it that were the case, she would have no qualms in killing him to facilitate her own escape, should he try to stop her. However, it seemed that there was something about him that she trusted; she was gripping onto him as though afraid she would fall. Slim fingers tightened around his bicep. He swallowed, slowly.

For a moment he didn't know what to do. Without thinking Joker turned to the Vorcha which stalked closer to them, fixing him with its blood red gaze. It blinked, and then looked at Joker with something he thought was close to respect. Was that what a Vorcha looked like when it smiled? It gestured at the crest emblazoned at the shoulder of his uniform.

"You're Cerberus. Good", it's voice was harsh and remorseless. "I was going to take her by myself now boss is dead. She's… difficult. You can help. Split credits. Yes?"

The woman fell back a look of horror on her face, "You're with Cerberus?"

She shifted away from him, regarding him with distrust.

"Well no, not any more. Look it's hard to explain, I'm with Commander Shepard." He looked nervously at the vorcha, then back at the woman who looked as though she were about to say something, "Look, just shut up and trust me, ok?"

Decisively, he turned towards the vorcha, using his body to block it from the woman completely. He stretched one arm in front of him reflexively; in the other his knuckles were white as he gripped his gun. He wanted to know what was going on, and he was prepared to keep her alive if he meant he would find out exactly what.  
"What does any of this have to do with me?" he asked, look directly at the vorcha. It seemed incredibly unaffected by what he had to say.

"Ssshepard?" the Vorcha asked, looking at him with renewed interest. "You just step aside and I'll take the girl."

"You're, Joker?" she panted.

He glanced at her. She was clutching at her side, red blood stained her fingers. Her expression however, was curious. She too, had recognised him.

He didn't have time to wonder over this however, as without warning, the vorcha lunged towards them. Joker moved back just in time. Once again, he realised what a very bad idea this had all been. He had learnt from long years of experience that things were better if he stayed with the ship. If they had to run he would be able to get nowhere fast, he could walk as long as he took his time, but running was out of the question. The vorcha snickered maniacally, and there was a scuffling as two more vorcha seemed to materialize in the darkness, stepping from the adjoining passageway. They instinctively flanked the first, and though Joker had seen Vorcha before, he was not quite prepared for this. Their yellow skin was almost luminescent in the reddish light, as were their wide staring eyes and impossibly long, white teeth.

"He says he's with Ssshepard"

"I've seen him. The pilot who can't walk" another one answered.

They all laughed.  
"How do you even know me?" he frowned, unable to see the connection.

He felt the woman's eyes upon him, as though they were analyzing him. Of course she must have realised - he still walked with a stoop. His face became very hot as blood rushed to his cheeks and he looked down at the floor.  
"So, what's it going to be human?"

Though Joker wouldn't call himself an overly brave person (he would much rather leave the epic battles and death-defying acts of general awesomeness to the Commander) he was not someone who stood by and let things go he didn't think were right, he had joined the Alliance after all. And somewhere in his gut he felt that something here was wrong, very wrong. Perhaps it was a life of sitting by and being incapable of doing anything when fellow soldiers, friends, were dying, _Pressley, Shepard… even Ash_. Or maybe it was just that he didn't like the cripple crack.

The same words rang in his head; _"You can save them."_

"No, you sick bastard. What do you want with her?" he asked, as anger flooded through him. Anger at being roped into this, anger that he was almost powerless in defence.  
The vorcha immediately stopped laughing, as the first stepped towards them, it's stance, menacing.

"Oh shit."

Joker moved backwards, the women did the same, all too aware they were being backed against the wall.

"I don't suppose you have a plan?" she murmured into his right ear, her breath tickling the back of his neck. This did not help.

"Err, no?" He raised his own weapon. "Shit, shit."

He felt the woman's hand press against his back, whether in supporting him or merely comforting herself he did not know.  
"Well... Thank you anyway" she whispered.

The first vorcha dived at them. It slammed Joker out of the way, and he hit the wall with a loud thud. Joker was aware of gun shots, but they seemed far off somehow, so distant and unrelated to him. Nothing existed other than himself, the woman, and the lone vorcha, the others seemed to have disappeared into the backdrop. Winded, his breath was coming out in gasps, and he was completely incapable of preventing what happened next. If it were a krogan, Joker would have said it were succumbing to blood rage. The vorcha seemed to forget the gun in its hand. It fell upon the woman, dragging her to the ground, tearing at her with its teeth and long fingers. She let out a long, terrified scream. He shot at it, wildly, and there was sudden, silence. The next he knew he felt a crippling pain to his head, there was a gasp, several rapid shots…

"Joker!"

… and blackness.


	3. Bulletproof, I wish I was

Several hours later, the woman woke up. She stirred softly, but did not immediately open her eyes. Her entire body felt heavy, as though she were being held down by invisible weights, and even if she had the desire to, she felt almost incapable of moving. Slowly however, as a little clarity entered her confused mind, it dawned on her that she was not somewhere familiar to her. She remembered being taken there, passing in and out of consciousness until enough drugs had been pumped into her veins as to dull the pain. Listening intently, she thought she could hear far off chatter, and at intervals she could hear footsteps passing by the door. Slowly, reluctantly, she opened her eyes. The lights in the room had been dimmed so as to allow her to sleep. She sat up, but realised she had done so far too sharply, as she felt blinding pain in her stomach. Her head swam, the dizziness overwhelming her senses as she laid back down, wincing. She raised her right arm to her face, feeling at the stinging cut down her face where the vorcha had struck her. She took deep breathes as the pain forced recollections of what had happened into her brain. She could remember Joker saving her, and the appearance of Shepard. But after that all she could recall was breathing a few garbled words before darkness drained her of the last of her energy. Since then all her mind had managed to ascertain had been blurred faces, snatches of conversation and a dull, numb feeling in her limbs.

After a few minutes she tried again, much more carefully this time, and managed to heave herself into a sitting position, eyes watering. As she did so, she felt a slight resistance at her left wrist, she looked down, the sight before her only made the sick feeling intensify. There were tubes connected to her wrists, and her left arm was shackled loosely to the edge of the cot. She tugged her arm, and there was a resounding clanking noise as the handcuffs caught against the metal. It was not so tight as to impair her left arm, but it certainly meant she wouldn't be going anywhere. She couldn't help but think this was an odd precaution to for a person to take. In her condition she was hardly going anywhere, unless of course, the person was incredibly suspicious. Then again if Cerberus had got hold of her, well, that's exactly what she would have expected. She looked around for any indication of her location. It appeared to be some sort of medical bay, and whilst it could be Cerberus, it could also be owned by any number of parties, who could also quite possibly be worse. Screens had been drawn across what looked to be windows before her, as a brighter light was dimmed behind them. A desk stood nearby; upon which there were stretched a number of reading materials, and something that looked like a report. She couldn't quite quiet the sneaking suspicion that this was about her. Gingerly she moved to the edge of the bed, intent on somehow reaching it, when she saw something which stopped her instantly. Her insides felt as though they had frozen over. She had not noticed the cot beside her before, and neither had she realised there was someone laid in it. Someone she recognised.

"Joker" she whispered, her voice hoarse.  
Though she knew him very little, the shock of seeing him there had knocked her completely off balance. Guilt rose in her chest, resting somewhere in her throat as she took steadying breaths. She ripped the tubes from her arms decisively, turning to move her feet to the floor. Testing her weight on them first. She slipped from the bed, almost falling as it almost proved too much for her. Staggering forwards, she leant over Joker's cot, casting a long shadow across his pale face. There was a graze across his arm where the Vorcha had grabbed and almost thrown him. His hat had been removed, uncharacteristic from the vids she had seen him in. However, deep in sleep, he looked completely unfazed by events and did not appear to be in any pain. Though her other arm was restrained (and the metal was digging into her arm, she was straining it so far), the other gripped the edge of his cot. After a moment's pause, in which she made sure she was entirely satisfied that he was relatively unharmed, she drew back slightly, relieved. She pressed her right hand against his arm, the warmth pleasant against her own cold fingertips.

"Thank you," she murmured, with a slight smile "you crazy bastard."  
The door opened quickly behind her and she jumped, turning carefully, resting most of her weight against Joker's cot.  
"I suggest you return to your bed, Miss Macintyre, unless you intend to do yourself further injury."  
A grey-haired woman had entered the room, fixed her with a pair of stern green eyes, and was now resting against the desk, "Although if you do I'm not going to tell Shepard, you can do that yourself."  
Looking rather amused, she moved closer. Though her expression had at first seemed rather strict, upon further inspection she seemed a lot softer somehow. She looked concerned. It wouldn't have taken Macintyre three guesses to realise that the woman was a doctor.  
"I'm Doctor Chakwas" she stepped forward, and rested a hand on her arm. "We're not going to hurt you, you know."

It was then that it dawned on her, she was on the Normandy.

Macintyre looked down at her clothes, which had thankfully changed. She flushed, remembering her previous outfit. How embarrassing. She recognised the clothes as being the same that Doctor Chakwas and Joker were wearing, but without all the Cerberus paraphernalia. It struck her as thoughtful that someone had thought to remove it from her's.  
"Shepard?" she asked, slightly confused.  
Chakwas smiled, and without knowing why, Macintyre allowed herself to be steered back into her bed by the doctor, who then proceeded to bustle about her.  
"The handcuffs weren't my idea by the way, I completely disagree with it" Chakwas added, "I'm sure Joker would say the same thing, if he were awake."  
As Macintyre rested back in bed, her eyelids felt impossibly heavy, to the point where she was fighting to keep them open.  
"You should get some sleep too" Chakwas told her, agreeably, from somewhere overhead.  
Macintyre turned and looked blearily across at Joker, who had turned over in his sleep. She felt incredibly stupid for having worried so before.  
"He's just been here for observation, he hasn't woken up yet, but I'm not worried. His brain activity looks normal apart from some overactive dreams" Chakwas shook her head, looking thoughtful. When she turned to look at her, Macintyre was already asleep. As such, she did not hear as Chakwas added, "Unlike yours."


	4. Your Protector

"You can't pause in a firefight Joker, you know that" Shepard reprimanded him. Her arms were firmly crossed, but her expression was sincere. He thought she almost looked worried.

"I know, Commander" Joker, replied testily. He continued to press the ice pack to his head, wincing.  
"You're lucky we turned up when we did" Miranda added.  
Joker thought she looked rather smug.

He was sat in the Normandy's med bay, where he had awoken a few minutes before, his ears ringing and totally bemused about how he came to be there in the first place. As clarity had slowly returned, so had his memories of previous events, albeit in painful flashes; the girl, the vorcha and the butt of a gun.

As the feeling of being watched had become more and more unsettlingly apparent, he had then sat up carefully, testing his limbs' receptiveness. Nothing appeared broken, although his legs felt incredibly stiff, that was what he got for deciding to go for a stroll, he supposed. He moved his head upwards, trying to get a better grasp on his surroundings, and a blinding pain shot form the back of his head, right down his spine. Reaching up he felt at the burning cut on his head, which was small but no less painful. His earlier assumption had been right – leaving the life saving thing to the Commander was the best option for all involved.

"Does she have to be here? I mean really, it'd bad enough some vorcha decides that the shiny thing in it's hand could do _so much more _than spray bullets at people, but now I have the ice queen and the Cerberus club on my back as well."  
Both Miranda and Jacob had been present when he awoke, as they had been when Shepard had come across Joker in the alleyway, just as he was humiliatingly losing consciousness. He would never live it down.

"You're not funny you know" Miranda replied, exasperatedly. She stalked over to the other side of room, as though in ignoring him she could pretend he was not there. Joker did not mind this much.

"You know I disagree with Miranda, that little fall you did when that vorcha hit you was spectacularly hilarious" Jacob muttered, with something like a smirk.

"You do realise I have access to the entire ship's life support systems" Joker reminded him.  
"Oh, it was in a totally unfunny way, of course" Jacob corrected himself.  
"Jeff, the Commander and the others saved your life, you should be more grateful" EDI interjected, her voice issuing from somewhere over their heads.  
"Yes, thank you for reminding me, mom" Joker replied.  
"And you know of course I could never let you murder the crew" she continued.  
"YES. We got that, thank you."  
Shepard shook her head, "Must you antagonize my entire crew?"  
"What? I don't! Jacob knows I'm only joking, don't you Jacob?"  
In truth when it came to Jacob, he genuinely liked the guy. It wasn't like having the old crew back, but it was nice that there was someone who around who shared his sense of humour. It was almost like how things had been when Kaidan was aboard, however, something told him Shepard didn't agree. But that can of worms was better left unopened.

"Anyway, as I was saying" Shepard regarded them both with a look that was barely a hint off chastising. "It was a huge risk to take, particularly the fact you went off on your own, especially with your condition. You would have rendered us grounded should anything have happened to you. You also brought an unknown entity into the equation as well."

"Oh come on Commander, not you as well" Joker replied, tiredly. "I know for a fact that EDI would have got you back to the Citadel. And speaking of things that I know, I also know you would have done the exact same thing in my position."  
He could tell by the look on her face that she was right; Shepard was humanity's knight in shining armour, the epitome of morality. She did what was right in every situation, hang the consequences. Perhaps, except for Virmire. But Joker didn't want to think about that.

Shepard sighed, "_Despite_ all that, what you did actually turned out very well for us."  
Joker was totally dumbfounded by this.

"What?" he asked rather more sharply that he had intended.

"It looks like your girl was on Omega for a reason," Jacob interjected, "from the little she managed to tell us earlier, she was in Afterlife meeting with a contact who she thought would be able to get her in touch with the Commander. Total bullshit of course, it actually turned out to be an agent for Cerberus."  
Joker nodded, "I suppose that would explain her reaction."  
"Well, I can't imagine she was too pleased when she found what she thought was her salvation was working for Cerberus" Shepard commented, thoughtfully.

"Hmm, we need to get our uniforms changed, we're not making any friends walking around under their banner, that's for sure" Jacob mused.  
"Well, what happened?" Joker asked, impatiently. Something about this had caught his attention; he sensed there was more to this than there appeared.

"I always knew The Illusive Man was a piece of work, but his is some serious shit. By the looks of things the attack was completely unprovoked; we checked out her records.

Staff Lieutenant Natasha Macintyre; she's ex-alliance and she was a ranking officer to boot. Gets a little hazy just after the attack on the Citadel, but a lot of people defected after that, myself included. No one liked how the Alliance treated you Commander."

Shepard nodded, but didn't say anything, happy to let Jacob finish with his explanation.  
Joker frowned, "But how did she get away? Surely that wouldn't have been easy."  
"Well lucky for us, she's a smart girl. And it also explains her clothes, or lack of" Jacob coughed, Joker was sure he was covering a smirk. "She was posing as one of the strippers so she could get a better look at who exactly she would be meeting. It looks like she didn't trust them, and ran for it, but they'd paid some vorcha to watch the door. Once she left they alerted Cerberus' agent and followed her, looks like she was heading towards the dock when they ambushed her. Everything else, you know firsthand."  
"But why is that lucky for us? Why was she trying to contact you?" Joker was even more confused than he had been before, if that was possible. His head was throbbing painfully, further affecting his capacity to process what they were saying.  
"Well, from what she managed to tell us –what was comprehensible - it seems that, if she was telling the truth, she came across another Prothean beacon" Shepard said, seriously.

Joker stared at her.

"What? You're kidding. But I mean… It doesn't matter anyway does it? We already know what they were for, the survivors on Ilos were trying to get in touch with any other living Protheans."

"It sounded different to the one I found. And if Cerberus were after her they must know something about it too. This could give us more insight into the Reapers" Shepard continued.

"Or it could be a wild goose chase. But it would be foolish to ignore an opportunity like this" Jacob agreed.  
"I don't know how useful trying to understand the Reapers would be, I'd rather just blow them to hell from a distance" Joker replied, with a frown. "But seriously, what does she think about all this. I guess that's the most important thing, right? All this knowledge that you reckon she has will be useless if she doesn't want to talk to us."

"Well, I presume if she was trying to find me that she wanted to help" Shepard replied, a slight frown at her forehead. "If not I'm sure we'll think of something."

"I take it you didn't leave her on Omega then?" he asked, casually.

Wordlessly, Shepard moved to one side and as Joker's eyes slowly refocused, he realised there was someone in the cot next to him. The silvery blonde hair was unmistakable, even from this angle. Although she was partially obscured with Dr Chakwas bent over her, he could vaguely see her face. There was a long scratch down one cheek, but otherwise she looked no different. Her lips were pink against the pale white of her skin, and her eyelids were dark. Her face looked peaceful however, and although it was clear that she had been very ill, she appeared to be recovering.

"Not very observant are you?" Shepard said, sounding amused.  
"If you like I could smack you around the head, and then see how observant you are" Joker retorted.  
"Point taken" Shepard replied. She looked to Dr Chakwas, "How is she?"

Joker watched the Commander closely, he could tell she was concerned but she seemed awkward somehow, as though thrown off by a situation she did not fully understand. He knew the feeling far too well, but was not accustomed to seeing Shepard in the same position. Doctor Chakwas turned. She looked incredibly tired, as though she had not gotten much sleep lately. Joker had the sneaking suspicion this was partly his fault.  
"Well, a bullet to the stomach with no armour is never something to be taken lightly. But what was left of her biotic shields deflected most of the damage and thankfully the bullet didn't penetrate too deeply, but she still lost a lot of blood. It must have been quite a chase, she was lucky whoever shot her had a bad aim, and that you turned up of course, Joker. She'll be fine, but her body has experienced a lot of trauma in the last few hours. She'll need a lot of rest."  
Joker nodded, almost to himself. He frowned, as something caught his eye, "I wasn't under the impression we were in the business of taking captives."  
"The handcuffs were Miranda's idea..." Jacob interjected, "Not a very popular one, but there is little we can do about it since she has the key." As he finished the sentence there was an emphasis on the last few words, he looked irritated.  
She turned, looking at Jacob angrily, "For all we know, she could be anyone. I was just taking necessary precautions."  
"Well, it wasn't like she was going anywhere" Shepard added, her arms folded. It seemed to Joker that she was being surprisingly passive in the conversation. She was letting it play out.

"She woke up earlier, I was out of the room. She had all the opportunity in the world to murder Joker if she wanted to" Chakwas said, looking as stubborn as Jacob.

"Look, all I'm saying is, is that we shouldn't just trust someone because they're human. Especially not because this particular human happens to be pretty", Miranda added, looking scathingly at Joker.  
Shepard stepped between them all, appeasingly, "And she makes a valid point. However, I have to agree with Jacob. We could more than defend ourselves if she turned out to be hostile. However, not we have most of the facts, that seems unlikely."  
"Hey, it just seems stupid to me. Innocent before proven guilty and all that" Joker paused, musingly. He looked a Miranda with an eyebrow raised, "Where did you get those handcuffs from anyway?"  
Miranda scowled at him, "Fine."  
She took a small key from a pocket in her suit, and threw it at Joker. He caught it, bemused, before slipping it into his pocket.

"I'll go and inform the rest of the crew of recent developments" she told Shepard as she marched from the room, and even from behind she looked affronted.

"Commander, I also think It'd be better if we left Joker to himself now. His injuries are not extensive but it was a fairly severe blow to the head, and he still may be suffering with concussion. He just needs sleep and preferably some quiet." Chakwas advised.  
"Well, that's the most sensible thing anyone's said all day" Joker said, hoping they would take the Doctor's advice  
"But you'll have to stay here for a few hours, so I can keep an eye on you" Chakwas added, her voice firm.  
He sighed, but did not protest. Joker was so tired by this point, he could no longer be bothered to argue.  
"Okay, but before you go Commander, I have one question."  
Shepard nodded, "Shoot."  
Joker frowned, "As pleased as I am you're keeping me in the loop, what's this all about? You don't usually make a habit of debriefing me, I usually just read the mission reports."

"Well, you did well, Joker. You deserve it" she replied. "Anyway, we can talk more when you're feeling better."  
Although wholly dissatisfied with this answer, it would have to do for the time being.

"Glad to see you're okay", Jacob added, as he and Shepard turned to leave. Before she did so however, Shepard looked at Joker, looking somewhat unsettled.  
"Don't worry Commander, I've got things under control."  
She nodded, giving him a rare, small smile. This was trust born from the Omega 4 relay, and the missions that preceded it.  
As he closed his eyes, a feminine voice spoke from overhead, "I'll look after the ship while you're asleep, Jeff."  
"Yeah, thanks EDI" he replied, yawning.  
He heard the door swish close behind the others, but did not register it, his mind awash with what had happened. Though he ached for sleep, his confused mind seemed determined to relive the day's events. Eventually, he sunk into a deep sleep, registering a few images in his last flickering moments of consciousness. The bullet as it penetrated the vorcha, the ground as it was quickly covered in blood, the passageway looming before him and a pair of dark green eyes.

*

Joker was aware of her waking probably before even she was. He had been in the medical bay for over a day now, and was both incredibly bored, and incredibly curious about what was going on. Dr Chakwas had informed him after his many, many complaints that he would be able to leave in a few hours, and that she just wanted to keep him under observation for a little while longer. She also told him that flying a ship was also a ridiculous amount of responsibility (as if he didn't already know), and she didn't want him coming straight back down to the med bay with a migraine. So when the girl woke up, he couldn't help but feel a jolt of excitement_. _Now maybe some of his questions would be answered, or he would have something to distract him from boredom, at least. He remained laid back, eyes half-closed, watching her from beneath the lashes. She sat up slowly, rubbing a hand across her face tiredly, and staring around herself with dazed expression. Although she looked worn and slightly confused, she looked much better than she had done earlier.  
"You're awake then" he said, casually. He didn't turn his head, but it had the effect he desired. She nearly fell out of bed. He grinned. She hadn't noticed him, or if she had, she'd thought he was asleep.  
There was a pause, whilst she seemed to be thinking of something to say, eventually she settled on a somewhat defiant, "Yes."  
He couldn't help but laugh and sitting up, he turned to look at her. He felt her taking in his appearance once more, before she gestured towards the cut on the side of his head.  
"I'm, um, sorry about that" Natasha ventured. She looked pensive, poised on the edge of the bed, gracefully, despite her obvious awkwardness.  
"Don't worry, it wasn't your fault" he replied, as he let his mind drift slightly under her intense gaze. He just couldn't place this all together. He just couldn't believe all he had heard, that she was this decorated soldier who had managed to evade the entirety of Cerberus and find her way to Shepard, formulating a rather cunning plan as she did so. It wasn't that he didn't think her clever, and admittedly, her biotic skills had been very impressive. It was just that to him, she appeared to be nothing more than when he had first met her. She was just this girl. This odd, somewhat vulnerable but altogether a quite interesting and perhaps, yes, undeniably attractive girl. There was nothing altogether universe-shattering about that. She was not another Shepard. Not that this was a bad thing.

Perhaps noticing he was distracted, she leant forwards, easing herself to the edge of the bed. His attention snapped back to her again and he reached into his pocket, pulling out the key Miranda had thrown at him.  
"I suppose you want out of those cuffs?" he asked.  
"Of course" she replied, and he moved over carefully, to sit next to her. Leaning over Joker took the chain between his hands, attempting to unlock the handcuffs  
"You don't think I'm going to run off?" she asked, sounding a little suspicious.  
"Where to? We're in space. If you want to throw yourself out of the airlock be my guest" Joker replied, sounding a little more gruff than he had intended. It was just he couldn't help but remember the long look she had given him before; when the vorcha had brought the fact he was a cripple to her attention. The memory of it brought a painful, burning sensation to his chest. As he fiddled with the lock and the handcuffs fell from her wrist, he moved his hands away quickly.  
"Thank you" she said, before holding out her hand. "Natasha Macintyre."  
Joker fidgeted uncomfortably before grasping her hand firmly, he shook it.  
"Well, my real name obviously isn't Joker. It's Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, but that's a bit of a mouthful" he explained.  
Her hand almost lingered there a second too long on his before she pulled it away. She grinned at him wryly, "Duly noted... Jeff"  
He couldn't help but feel surprised. He hadn't expected that.  
"I should have known you'd be trouble, that's the last time I get involved with recruitment. At least all the strays the Commander picks up are obedient" he replied, in mock offence.  
"Well if I promise to stay off the furniture can I stay?" Natasha asked him, a look of mischief glinting in her eyes.  
He gave her a long sideways look, and nodded approvingly "I suppose you'll do."  
She smiled at him, and he could felt the tension alleviate slightly. He wasn't sure if he was irritated or pleased about this.

"I have to see the Commander" she said quickly, as if realising something. She attempted to get her feet, this was a complete failure, however, as with a grimace of pain she sat back down immediately.  
"Easy. Jeez" he couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed. It was always the way, everybody always had to see the Commander about something. "We're on the way to the Citadel, now. You'll have time to talk to her before we get there. Until then I suggest you get some rest. If you're going to talk to those windbags, the Council, then you're going to need it."  
"Still I-" she made to get up again, but he pushed her back easily.  
"Seriously" he said, warningly.  
"Who made you my protector?" she asked him testily.  
"You did, unfortunately for you" he replied, with a smirk. "But really, just leave it for now, okay?"  
After a long moment where he was sure she was going to protest, she nodded, sitting back.  
The was a short pause, where neither of them said anything.  
"I woke up earlier today. I was so confused, no idea where I was... And I remember seeing you, I thought I'd killed you" she commented, with a half laugh.  
"I thought you did too" he replied, half joking.  
"Well, thank you anyway" she grinned, and squeezed his arm.  
He wasn't sure, but the thought crossed his mind that maybe saving her hadn't been such a bad idea after all.


	5. Distractions

Chapter 4 - Distractions

"So... Do you think that we could come to some sort of arrangement?" the Illusive Man asked, poised in his chair. With one hand he held a cigarette, the other was tapping restlessly against the arm of his chair. The blue star that shone through the window behind him cast an eery glow, stretching long, gaunt shadows across the room.

"That depends" the figure facing him mused. "Why should I trust you?"

The tapping slowed, "I can offer you a deposit. Rest assured, if you fulfil my request you will be more than reimbursed for your trouble."

"Forgive me for being a little hesitant, but Cerberus is hardly known for dealing with outside sources. Especially ones it considers... Alien. I would not want any of this to go against my own interests" the Turian's tone was clipped, and to the point. The Illusive Man liked this.

"This has nothing to do with Turian interests, don't worry" he replied, shortly. "I simply need the situation dealing with. And promptly. I'd heard you were the right man for the job."

The Turian gave him a long look, one which would have been quite unnerving to your average human. The Illusive Man did not so much as blink.

"You do realise this is a suicide mission. If the girl is with Shepard as you say, then it will be almost impossible to get near her" the Turian mused, folding his arms.

"I didn't say it was going to be easy. You will have to get creative" the Illusive Man replied, shifting slightly in his chair, "But I had heard that was what you were good at."

The Turian took a long time musing over this, wordlessly. Not once did his face betray a shred of emotion, however, and that in itself was interesting. He would have to add that to his file.

"Of course, this would only be if you kept to the terms of our agreement. Under no circumstances are you to kill her or anyone else involved in this. Injure her if you must, but I'd prefer it if she were brought to me unscathed. I don't need to explain to you again what the consequences would be if you erred from this" he continued, watching for a reaction.

The Turian recognised the threat, his eyes narrowed. He did not say anything, however.

"Do we have a deal?" the Illusive man asked, with the air of someone who already knew the answer to their question.

"Consider the matter dealt with."

The hologram faded out, leaving the Illusive Man alone, looking very satisfied indeed.

Joker was distracted, he thrummed his fingers impatiently on the control panel in front of him. It had been three days since he had awoke in the med bay, and since then his mind had been continuously straying from the job at hand. Skin that was soft against his, her fingers brushing against the back of his hand, as he took hers in his.

"Mr Moreau."

"Yes, EDI?"

"You seem distracted from your duties today, are you alright?"

Joker's brief incapacitation had had a rather strange effect on the AI, as though it brought out something like a maternal instinct somewhere within her programming.

A smiled curved over full lips.

He shook his head, crossly, "I'm fine. I just don't appreciate all this secrecy is all."

"I'm sure everyone will be briefed on the situation upon the Commander's return"

"That's what you said yesterday."

This was indeed true, he had seen hide nor hair of the Commander for the first day, nor had he heard any explanation of the situation. After this, upon reaching the Citadel, Shepard had left in order to talk to the Council, taking both Miranda and Jacob with her. They had not returned since that time, and Joker guessed they had got seriously waylaid. In truth he had no idea which which way they would go, and what they were going to do next. He hadn't seen her either, and he was worried she might creep up on him whilst he was working, and he was already distracted enough. He did not like this, at all.

Ever since the incident on Omega, things had changed. For starters, the crew had decreased dramatically, at least half of Shepard's squad having left. Jack had left to pursue her own goals, most likely some revenge on Cerberus or something just as destructive. Joker felt that Shepard had done something to exert her own sense of calm on the girl, but whether it had affected her or not, he doubted it. Some things were far too broken to ever be repaired.

Grunt however, had announced his desire to return to Tuchanka, and with no immediate threat or enemy to fight he had become restless on the Normandy. Shepard had of course, consented to his leaving. Joker however just hoped his parting promise, that he would return to face them in battle some day, was just a joke.

Samara had remained for as long as she had promised. Her oath had tied her to Shepard, but with the Collectors destroyed she was free to continue on her own path. Similarly, Mordin had provided them with their seeker deterrent, and had returned to his clinic on Omega. Kasumi had simply vanished that day, with most of her belongings, something which had completely boggled the minds of almost the entirety of the crew, as no one had seen her leave. She had however, left a note stating that if Shepard ever needed her again, that she would come. Legion had remained, unable to leave until they were nearer the Perseus Veil, a lone geth would have been an unwelcome site, even in the terminus Systems. Additionally Garrus, Tali and Thane had stayed on the ship. The former due to bonds stronger than any other; friendships forged in battle. Thane however, wished to stay purely because he couldn't see any better way to spend his last days than than saving the galaxy. Joker had observed that he had seemed very tired lately, as though his condition were catching up with him. Joker had not told anyone this, preferring not to incite the wrath of the engimatic Drell should he overhear.

All of this meant the Normandy was much quieter, almost reminding him of when most of the crew had been taken by the Collectors, and worse, the crew of the original Normandy, which had been much less in number. His fingers hammered louder on the dashboard. "What did you say yesterday EDI?" an airy voice enquired from somewhere behind him. Joker had never span his chair quite so quickly.

Natasha Macintyre was stood directly behind him, leaning casually against the panel beside her with an eyebrow raised. Joker swallowed. She was looking much better than the last time he had seen her. Now it had lost it's pale tinge, her skin had an almost exotic hue to it, her tousled hair falling over her shoulders. Her eyes were bright, and fixed upon him.

"Try not to give yourself whiplash with that thing" she quipped, dryly.

Joker frowned, "You just made me jump is all, the last time I saw you, you were almost incapacitated."

She shrugged easily, "I have an inquisitive nature. And a whisky in me too."

Joker stared at her, quite perturbed as to why she was even talking to him. It was true that he had saved her life, but other than that he could so no other agenda or reason she could have for talking to him. He already regretted the kindness he had shown her before, he wasn't even sure why he had even been that way. Joker was nothing if not consistent, and more often than not he consistently portrayed the caricature of an ass to most people. He didn't understand why that suddenly changed. He also had to admit that it had been invigorating rescuing her, and something about that had drawn some unfamiliar protective side out of him, but it felt strange and unnatural. Something about that girl had intrinsically changed his behaviour for a moment, and he didn't like it.

"Anyway, we were having a private conversation..." he rebuffed her, as he turned in his chair, with all the pretence of his his attention being back to his work.

"Oh okay. I didn't mean to intrude..." she paused. He looked up briefly, and caught her reflection in the glass. He thought that she looked slightly hurt as she shook her head before turning on the spot, and leaving the deck at a brisk pace.

Joker sighed almost imperceptibly, furrowing his eyebrows, and concentrating intensely on the panel before him.

"What was all that about?" EDI asked after a moment.

"Nothing, EDI' he replied, tensely.

"I've been talking to her, she is quite nice you know" she said, reproachfully.

"You've been talking to her?" he asked, almost resentfully.

"You don't think that was a bit harsh, before?" she asked, with the tone of someone who already knew the answer to their question.

"No" he said defiantly. His face burned as he realised how childish he sounded, "Look EDI I need to collate these mission reports, I need to talk to Gardner about the leak on deck 4 AND to top it all off Shepard still hasn't returned. I haven't got time to-"

"All that should take about ten minutes, after all that you have no work left to do. You have all the time in the world to apologise, Mr Moreau."

"Yes, well-"

"Get going. I've just done it all for you."

"But-"

"GO."

Joker managed to 'not find the time' to speak to Natasha nearly all day, until finally he spotted her in the mess, sat at one of the tables alone. He was pleased to see that most of the crew were sleeping, or were otherwise engaged. There was a fairly furious game of batarian poker that was going on which seemed to distracting most of the attention, since the Commander had gone ashore that had been little to do for most of the officers. Despite this, he could feel several pairs of eyes on him, which did not make him feel any better. It was pretty much unprecedented that Joker would make an appearance anywhere other than the bridge, or his bunk. But then, he was generally thought of as a grumpy, unsociable git.

Joker sat down across from Natasha in a matter of fact kind of way, and she looked up sharply, fixing him with a long, questioning stare. In response he merely sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"Er, so I guess I owe you an apology?" he said, rubbing the back of his neck, uneasily.

"Because you were being a git?" Natasha asked him, quirking an eyebrow mischievously. She grinned and something about it was irresistible, hypnotic, and he nearly smiled back. Joker folded his arms, she would have to try better than that to get him to crack a smile.

"I don't know if I'd say that..."

"I would" she swung her other leg round the bench to face him. "But it's okay, EDI told me you were difficult."

"Talking about me, were you?" he asked, smirking. "Already you can't get enough of me."

"Talking's not exactly the word. I think it was more... Complaining" she retorted, quickly.

Joker snorted and shook his head, "Typical. I apologise and you take another crack at me. You and EDI will be fast friends."

"I'd rather be friends with you, or are you so surly you don't have friends?" Natasha said, mockingly, perhaps trying to cover with her somewhat backhanded compliment.

"Again with the cracks..."

Natasha raised an eyebrow, "And here I was thinking you were apologising to me. I haven't heard a sorry yet."

"Okay. I'm sorry" he frowned for a moment. "Now will you tell me what's going on?"

She leaned closer to him across the table, lowering her voice instinctively. She bit her lip, and replied with mock coyness, "I don't know if I can say."

"Oh come on, you owe me. I saved your life" he replied in a murmur.

"By accident" she retorted.

"I still saved your life" Joker answered, realising suddenly that his face was merely centimetres from hers. As soon as this thought travelled through his mind, Natasha sat back on the bench "Alright, but we shouldn't talk about this here. Come to my quarters."

Joker frowned, "You have your own quarters? Already?"

"All I know is that Kasumi girl used to live in there. It has a bar and a great view, what else could a girl want?" Natasha replied, getting to her feet.

"I've only known you five minutes and I'm already convinced you're a drunk" Joker said, following her to the Port Observation deck, acutely aware of all the eyes on them both.

Once inside, Natasha offered him a seat, "This feels weird. Asking you if you'd like to sit down on your own ship."

Joker sat down carefully on the couch, "To be honest, I'd be more worried about how much attention we just attracted if I were you."

Natasha sat in a single chair fairly close to him, folding her legs, "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." The intonation in her voice suggested very much the opposite.

"Anyway. You were saying before we got wildly off topic? Or is this actually just a plot to get me all to yourself?" Joker asked her, with a smirk.

"But of course it is" Natasha winked at him. "Now if you're done teasing me, I'll tell you. How much do you actually know?"

"Just that you were in some trouble with Cerberus when you ran into me, quite literally as you probably remember, and that before that you found one of those prothean beacons, like the one on Eden Prime" Joker replied, as he recalled the conversation with Shepard a few days before.

Natasha nodded, "That's the short of it. Cerberus are after me because of what I saw, and they knew I was trying to find Shepard. I don't remember much, it didn't make a lot of sense, and I don't know if it will be of any use, but she seemed like the right person to talk to." She took a breath, as she recollected, "I've kind of been drifting since I left the Alliance, I almost joined C-Sec at one point, but I've been doing security work mostly. I was travelling on a small frigate with an excavation team, out here in the Terminus systems, they'd heard word of previously unexplored prothean ruins. It seemed a like a pretty straightforward mission, there wasn't anything untoward about it, but I'd signed on with a friend. We thought it'd be child's play, and at first we found it hard to take it seriously."

"Yeah, it is difficult to imagine you taking anything seriously" Joker interjected.

Natasha ignored him and continued, "Well, one day the scientists got really excited about something, it was difficult to tell since the crew was made up of salarians mostly, and you know how uptight those guys are. Anyway, almost as soon as they'd uncovered it, we were attacked. Unknown operatives, well-trained, all human."

"Cerberus" Joker nodded.

"Well, they certainly hadn't been counting on the research team being so well defended. I still find that strange, from what I know of the Illusive Man, he always does his homework. Or maybe they didn't know we were going to be there. Still, it still didn't turn out very well for us. There were ten of them, all ex-soldiers or mercs, clearly they'd just been sent to secure the dig site. I'm sure if they'd succeeded, they'd have sent in their experts later to analyse it. As it was, we killed them all, but we took serious losses. It was a bloodbath. Out of the six guards signed on for the mission, myself and my friend, Sketch, were the only ones who survived, and only barely. We managed to keep the majority of the scientists alive, and we got them to the evac shuttle. We were following them when we passed what they'd unearthed. It was the beacon. I don't know if anyone's ever told you, but there's something about them, it draws you in. The Commander told me they were used a distress signals, and I suppose it makes sense for them to make organics react that way. It was this dull humming noise, I've never heard anything like it, it made my skin crawl. And then it was like the pull was almost literal, and before I knew what I was doing I knocked Sketch out of the way and it took hold of me. I sort of overpowers your senses. I had a vision, similar to Shepard's by the sound of it. It was... Disturbing."

Natasha sighed, getting to her feet and walking toward the vast window. She stared out of it, "That's it. Ever since I've had these nightmares I can't shake, and I have the feeling I'm being followed everywhere I go."

Joker got to his feet, moving to stand beside her. He had the feeling she didn't want to say anymore about that she'd seen, he had heard enough about the Commander's visions to know they weren't pleasant. Still, something had occurred to him.

"Not to downplay it, but wasn't your vision identical to the Commander's? How would we get any more information?" Joker frowned.

"I explained what I saw in detail to the Commander, there were some variances. It's possible this was a different message, a second one sent from Ilos maybe, or it could have been sent from somewhere else entirely. It could have more information about the Reapers, or it could be a wild goose chase. Unfortunately, Shepard doesn't have any other leads right now" Natasha replied, her eyes not leaving the beautiful, yet slightly unsettling view through the glass. The stars outside were mirrored in her eyes, and Joker was struck by how when she wasn't speaking, she looked almost solemn. Perhaps sensing him watching her, Natasha turned and looked at him. He lips curved into a small smile, "What?"

Joker realised he hasn't said anything for several long seconds. He swallowed, hard, quickly changing the subject, "What are you going to do now?"

Natasha shrugged, "The Commander asked me to stay aboard until they can make sense of what I saw, and as protection from Cerberus"

"I just wanted to know if you were staying, you know, just in case you need saving again. There are loads of hazards aboard the Normandy, I mean you could stub your toe, or fall down the toilet. Maybe we should cover everything in bubble wrap, just in case" Joker replied. Despite the fact she often caught him off guard, she was surprisingly easy to speak to. He couldn't remember having met someone he could talk to without being deliberately sarcastic, or his jokes hiding genuine dislike. He didn't usually make a habit of making friends, generally preferring to keep to himself, but there was something about her that was incredibly appealing.

"With how well that went last time, I'd think you were more likely to break your arm trying to rescue me" Natasha grimaced immediately, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I wasn't referring to Vrolik's syndrome. I just meant you were bad at acting the saviour. Ugh. That sounded worse. I'm sorry."

Despite himself, his heart sank slightly. Although she hadn't intended to, Natasha had unintentionally hit a nerve. Joker was not particularly fond of speaking about his condition, particularly not with beautiful women in whom any interest in him would quickly change into them being entirely unobtainable the moment it was mentioned.

As though she had read his mind, Natasha stepped toward him. As she did so, EDI spoke over the intercom, "Jeff, Shepard is back. She's requesting your presence on the bridge. She would also like you to be present, Macintyre."

"We better get to it"Joker motioned toward the door, half-heartedly.

"Joker. Wait" Natasha placed a hand on his arm, and despite himself, he paused.

Natasha's regret for what she had said was clear in her expression. She looked crestfallen, the spark of mischief that was always so clearly evident in her eyes was gone, and was replaced by something Joker couldn't quite place.

Joker relented slightly, "It's just when people find out, they treat me differently."

She shook her head almost imperceptibly, and leant toward him in a motion that sent a tremor down his spine. She kissed him softly on the cheek, and asked, "Will you come down and visit me again?"

He turned his head slightly, and she was so close he could almost count her eyelashes. He took a deep breath, "People would really talk then."

"I don't care" Natasha replied, indignantly.

Joker looked at her, "Alright."

The tight hug she gave him after this was almost enough to make him regret this decision, as with his heart hammering, they shared a somewhat awkward silence in the elevator. Despite this however, it was generally agreed by the crew that for the following day, Joker had, though very faint, an unmistakable air of smugness about him and an unusual grin on his face. As Joker had expected, it was all anyone talked about.


End file.
